Visible Risk
by Pen to Paper Writer
Summary: 9/11/2001 was a day that we will never forget as a country. Many people lost their lives on that fateful day. But how did this affect a new NYPD cop and a rookie at that? What will she see? And when the towers collapsed covering lower Manhattan with all sorts of questionable materials how will the residents of this area be affected? Warning character deaths in ending #1.
1. Chapter 1

**Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center  
1275 York Ave, New York, NY**

 **Present Day…**

He held her hand as he looked into her eyes that could no longer see clearly. He really didn't think she knew exactly who he was due to the number of machines that were connected to her and the amount of drugs that were being pumped into her body just to keep her comfortable. It had been a hard road to get where they were now, and he'd never give up one second of what they did to get here, even now. Her body had been ravaged by disease from something neither of them had expected. It was becoming his everyday wish that whoever was in charge upstairs would end her suffering quickly instead of making her live through another day of this pain….

 **September 11** **th** **, 2001, 6:33 am**.  
 **Kate Beckett's Tribeca Apartment**

NYPD Rookie Patrolman Kate Beckett dropped her utility belt and shed her outer patrol jacket, leaving everything to pile up on the living room floor just inside the door of her small Tribeca apartment. She then proceeded to walk to her bedroom to get some much needed sleep before she had to be back on shift in less than seven hours. She collapsed on her bed without bothering to strip out of her Kevlar vest and uniform. She didn't even brush her teeth before sleep took her.

Her night had been very eventful, to say the least. She had already worked her eight-hour shift when her sergeant had decided to place her with the warrant squad that worked Times Square, giving her the option to work the much needed overtime. This was unusual at best, but she never said no to overtime. Kate was assigned to the Sixth Precinct. When the request came in, due to a shortage in manpower over at the Manhattan North precinct, her sergeant decided that as she was lowest on the totem pole at the Sixth, she was the first one to go.

 **September 10** **th** **2001,  
** **8:15 pm  
** **238 W 42nd St Unit 2C**

"Patrolman Beckett, what you need to do is stay back and watch what a warrant squad does in order to serve a warrant. No heroics are needed. If you see something out of the ordinary, use your two-way and call it in to one of us. Try not to engage anyone," Lieutenant Tomlin said.

"Copy, sir," Kate replied.

She watched as her colleagues stacked up against the suspect's door, complete with a battering ram and bulletproof shields protecting them when they entered. Within seconds it was over. The suspect was dragged out of the apartment in handcuffs and Kate relaxed - that is until she heard a loud noise coming from the east fire escape. She was alone because the other cops had their hands full taking charge of the suspect and searching the apartment. It was no coincidence a second person had evaded the initial cops who entered the apartment.

She tried to key the mike mounted on her shoulder to tell the other cops that there was a second suspect was trying to make his escape. No one responded. She drew her weapon and moved towards the window that led to the fire escape.

When she got to the window, she climbed through the open window that the perp had gone through and looked down. He had one hell of a head start.

"NYPD! Stop!" she yelled towards the retreating form climbing down the last ladder of the fire escape. She proceeded to climb down after him and when she reached the last landing, all she heard was,

"Take one more step down that ladder and I'll blow your head off, cop! I can do it right from where I stand."

She stopped abruptly right where she was. God, what a screw up she was. She let a suspect get the drop on her and now there would be hell to pay.

"Make one more move, scumbag, and I will drop _you_ right where you stand!"

Kate was shocked at first, but when she turned to see what was happening below her, the lieutenant had already disarmed and cuffed the second suspect.

"Patrolman Beckett, come down off the fire escape. The suspect is in custody and the scene is secure."

Kate finished her trek down and was met by her superior.

"Kate, what were you thinking? This guy was a bonus, but it wasn't worth you becoming another statistic."

"I know. But he was escaping. I didn't want to lose him."

"Did you try to call me on your two-way?"

"I did, but all I heard was static, and no one answered."

"Well, that figures. Here in Times Square, as well as most of lower Manhattan, the repeaters are very unreliable. Sometimes we can call you while we are looking directly at you and never hear anything over the air."

"I can only imagine what would happen if there was a real emergency situation we needed to respond to and we could not communicate with each other," Kate said.

"Hey, this happens. But I did hear that Motorola and lots of other cell carriers want to enhance the repeaters to get first responders in the loop quicker in case of an emergency."

He went on, "Kate, this will be just between us. I won't say a thing to put you in a jam with the Sixth."

"Thanks, Dave. I appreciate it."

 **September 11th, 2001, 7:45 am.  
525 Broome Street**

He welcomed the sun on his face that shone brightly through the slats of the vertical blinds in his bedroom. He wished that he had closed the blinds before he'd gone to bed last night. But it's just as well he didn't. He felt almost lackadaisical, but he had to get his day started because today was his pumpkin's first full day of kindergarten.

Deciding that breakfast was the best thing he could provide her to make it through the day without becoming run down by the end of the day, he rose thinking about what she could want to eat. As he made his way out into the living room, he saw his daughter already dressed in… something. He never knew she had such an outfit to wear in the first place. It looked like a cross between a grunge rocker and Little Red Riding Hood.

"Daddy! Look! I'm already dressed for school! Do you like it?"

Rick looked at what she selected to wear for her first day and was not impressed with her choices. He did not want to hurt her feelings with his honest opinion so he went with,

"Listen, pumpkin, why don't we try the blue outfit with the white sweater? It's a little chilly for a September morning."

"Really? But it was supposed to be sunny today."

"Later on it is, but this morning it was going to be a little on the chilly side. Daddies know about these things."

"Okay, Daddy. I'll go and change. Are you making me breakfast?"

"I will." Crisis averted. He hoped that she would take his advice on what she needed to wear to school in the future. "I'm going make your favorite smiley face pancakes," Rick said as she toddled up the stairs to her room to change.

Breakfast was their time. And all too soon it was over. She looked at him and he could see everything flash in front of his eyes: herself being walked to school, inviting a new friend over to play, smashing tomatoes on the floor for a science project…

"Daddy, come on or we're going to be late for school!" his daughter cried out and drew him from his daydreaming.

Rick gave her the once-over concerning her outfit and was pleased. He grabbed her backpack and took her hand to walk the four blocks down towards Mercer Street. They had just enough time to pick her up a snack at the deli on the way. After that was done they finished their walk to Citi Babes, her new school. Checking his watch, he saw that they were well ahead of schedule and should make it to the school without a problem. As they walked the last two blocks to her school Rick heard a sound that should not have been coming from that part of the city. It was too low and too loud to be so close to the lower end of Manhattan.

He looked up and saw a Boeing 767 on a direct collision course with the World Trade Center. But as he craned his neck to see the path of the plane, it was taken out of his view by the surrounding buildings. All he could do is hear what happened next. The plane he watched streak overhead ended up plunging itself into the northern facade of the North Tower.

He looked at his watch once more and noticed that it was 8:46 a.m. Grabbing Alexis' hand, he pulled them back towards Canal Street to see if he gets a better view of what was happening downtown. By the time they got to Canal and Mercer Streets, everything was unfolding before his eyes.

The North Tower of the World Trade Center was literally burning.

 **September 11** **th** **, 2001 8:52 am  
** **Kate Beckett's Tribeca Apartment**

Five more minutes. That's all she needed to sleep. But her phone had different ideas. At first, she just ignored it, but two minutes later it went off again. Then it hit her. She'd never set her alarm for this morning, forgetting she had to be back at work later, so she actually had a call. She opened up her eyes, watching as the phone vibrated on her nightstand. She picked it up and saw the Sixth precinct logo on her caller ID. She fumbled to answer the call, and when she did she heard total and utter chaos.

"Officer Beckett, you need to report to the Sixth precinct ASAP. The second you hang up, bring your full riot gear and meet in the conference room no later than 9:15."

"Yes, sir. I'll be there by 9:15 - I'm leaving now."

Kate hung up and pulled the phone off its charger, slipping it into her holder. She was still dressed from yesterday, so no shower for her today. She couldn't imagine what was so urgent that she had to be at the precinct in less than 14 minutes, but she grabbed her shirt, her bulletproof vest, and outer jacket, and headed for the front door.

When she hit the street, there were a lot of people looking straight up and pointing skyward. Since she couldn't see anything downtown, she just moved in the direction of the precinct.

The explosion was deafening. She heard the whining of the jet engines above her and then the finality of the crash. By the time she made it to Canal and Broadway, she could hear people screaming at what they were seeing. She turned and looked south to see not one but both World Trade towers engulfed in flames.

The flames rose from the 93rd to the 99th floor of the North Tower and in the seventies of the South Tower. The paper and dust she saw floating down gave the illusion of snow. Later she would find out that this was the one thing she should have avoided…

 **The events in this story are true. Everything that Kate Beckett experienced at ground zero was experienced by the author on that day and the three months that followed. Firsthand knowledge can sometimes have a heavy price to pay for it I should know.**

 **Updates will be weekly at best. If I can I will post an errant chapter in here and there. There will be two independent endings.**

 **This story is being betaed by her royal Pegship. I would like to thank her from the bottom of my heart. If you get the chance please read her wonderful work.**

 **P2P  
**


	2. Chapter 2

Rick and Alexis stood at the corner of Canal and Mercer still looking up at what was unfolding right in front of them. People in small groups were running north on just about any street that would take them away from the disaster they just witnessed. Fire trucks, ambulances, and patrol cars from the immediate area were racing up the Westside highway, Broadway, and 6th Avenue, heading not away from, but towards whatever fate awaited them. But Rick still stood there, not moving. It was only when he felt Alexis pull his hand, and he looked down at her outstretched arm, did he realize what she was seeing.

From where they are standing, across the street he saw an NYPD cop running north up Canal Street heading towards 6th Avenue.

"Excuse me, officer," Rick yelled out over the sirens in the background.

Kate heard him yelling to her and stopped running.

"Sir, I need you to head back to your home. It's not safe in this part of the city right now."

"Yes, I know it's not safe, but I just need to know if it's safe to be here, well, I mean in my house. I'm not sure how good the quality of the air is going to be after what I just witnessed."

"As you can tell, sir, I'm in kind of a rush. I have five minutes to get to my station house and deal with what's going on downtown."

"And you are?"

"Patrolman Kate Beckett. Badge number 0334."

"Patrolman Beckett, I wish you safe travels and Godspeed!"

"Thank you…?"

"Oh sorry, Rick Rodgers."

"Get somewhere safe, Mr. Rodgers," Kate said as she started off in a run towards her precinct.

 **September 11** **th** **9:15 am  
NYPD 6** **th** **Pct.  
233 West 10** **th** **Street New York, NY.**

"All vacations and days off are now canceled. All law enforcement personnel are assigned in the following capacities:

"Karpowski, Stedner, Ryan, Esposito, Tolliver, Hastings, Beckett, Cole, Slaughter, and Sullivan. You ten officers will be used alongside the FDNY in search and rescue operations. There is a bus out on 10th waiting to take you to the NYPD staging area. Get moving now!" Captain Willis ordered.

In no time, they were all on the bus heading towards the scene at Liberty and West streets. Upon arriving at the NYPD staging area less than a block away, they all heard the sounds of something hitting the glass canopy in front of the main entrance for the North Tower. When she looked up Kate could see people starting to actually jump from the building - knowing that falling from that height would end their life. She shuddered, knowing that if they were jumping there must be a fate worse than falling up there. She saw the flames licking the side of the tower and the size of the hole in the side of the building.

 **September 11th 9:32 am  
1 WTC North Tower**

"Can I have everyone's attention?" The FDNY Battalion chief shouts out to be heard.

All eyes were on him.

"Thank you. The assignments are as follows: Engine 7, Ladder 1, you are assigned to the east stairway up to the 61st floor. Engine 15, Ladder 18, Battalion 4, your crew is assigned to the south stairwell up to the 43rd floor. Ladder 20, Division 1, Rescue 6, make your way up to the impact floors. Elevators are operational in FD mode only. You'll need to huff it up five floors because elevator service stops at the 85th floor. Each crew will have two officers from the 6th precinct assigned to them. Officers, your job is to search only. Let the firefighters do the heavy lifting if needed. Direct people down the stairway in a calm and orderly fashion. Oh, and before I forget, The Port Authority has police officers from the Lincoln, Holland, and GWB as well as their own ESU on the upper floors already. From what I can figure out they are in the thick of it. That is all."

Every team broke off to their groups. Kate and Stedner were with the Engine 7 crew. Kate really felt bad for Slaughter and Ryan because they're working with the Rescue 6 crew who were going to be up there where the plane hit the building. She only hoped that they would be all right. As they head towards the east stairwell, they deal with civilians exiting the stairwell and direct them how to get out safely.

Climbing up to the tenth floor, they encountered many people trying to escape the burning building by heading down from the damaged floors. They said it had taken them over twenty minutes to get to where they are now, but at least they were being civil about it. Everything was going well as the rescue team climbed up to the 38th floor. But then they ran into three men, two FDNY firefighters and a Port Authority cop named John Skala. Each had one civilian that has been badly burned. It was Officer Skala who spoke next.

"I need all of the firefighters to come up to the 72nd floor with me," he said, looking at the new firefighters. "We have many wounded and people with second and third-degree burns that need to be brought down to the command post."

Stedner was the first to say that they would take the two men and one woman back down to the command center in the lobby because Kate couldn't believe what she was seeing right in front of her. Kate and Stedner both watched as the Port Authority cop and all the firefighters turn and start back up the stairwell.

What they didn't know was that none of those men would survive this. They would all die in the stairway near the 63rd floor, trying to come back down with more injured people.

Slowly Kate and Stedner traversed the stairway back down to the lobby. Due to the injuries that the victims sustained, it took them about one minute to get down each floor level in the stairwell. By the time they reached the 23rd floor Kate and Stedner felt what amounts to a small earthquake. It was nothing of the sort.

 **September 11th 9:59 am  
1 WTC North Tower  
**  
The North tower lobby was being inundated with debris from the collapsing South Tower. By the time they arrived at the lobby of the north tower, it looked like a war zone. Uncertainty was what first came to Kate's mind. Then she walked out from the stairwell with their wounded civilians and saw an FDNY lieutenant, a pair of firefighters, an FDNY EMT, and a civilian walking past them, carrying the body of a priest who had been hit by falling debris from the south tower. She and Stedner were able to get proper medical care for the people they'd escorted down. On their way back to the stairwell, the FDNY Battalion chief stopped them before they could get to the door.

"Patrolman, we're pulling back to BMCC campus up on West street. There is a base of operations there that you will report to. With the events of the South Tower collapsing we are not taking a chance with the North Tower. It might collapse, it might not, but we do not need any non-essential personnel here if it does collapse. Take your gear and head to the rallying point."

Kate stepped out into the street and it looked like a nuclear explosion went off in front of her. FDNY pumpers, ladder trucks, NYPD patrol cars and many ambulances were damaged some overturned and crushed. There was at least a half a foot of concrete dust and debris on the units that were fortunate to make it through with little damage.

Xx

 **9:38 am September 11** **th** **, 2001  
Southeast corner of Mercer and Canal streets**

Rick stood there at the corner of Canal and Mercer for what felt like a lifetime. He watched as a second airplane slammed into the south tower and then it felt was like it was snowing in New York City. There were paper and office files falling from the top floors. He was then jolted back to life by his daughter, who suggested that they did what the pretty police officer told them to do.

"Pumpkin, I think that's a great idea. Let's go."

As they walked back to the loft, the number of emergency vehicles that were responding to the WTC was overwhelming. Almost every avenue heading south had ambulances parked on it. Emergency vehicles included their crews, so, unfortunately, they were standing around waiting to be called to the scene. And it wasn't just FDNY ambulances. There were ambulances from as far away as Connecticut and New Jersey lining the street as they walked by.

Rick never wanted to lie to his daughter, but there are some things that are hard to tell a six-year-old. This was done on purpose. How could he tell his daughter that men or women had intentionally killed people using airplanes? Retreating into the safety of the loft, his thoughts went back to that young policewoman who was out there in the middle of this saving lives. He flipped on the TV; the news coverage is on every channel, live of course. He could watch both events live on the TV and through his picture window because the towers could be seen from the loft.

"Daddy, what about my first day of school?"

"Honey, with all that's going on out there I'm not sure that school will be in session this morning."

Alexis just turned to the TV to watch what was happening, upset that she would miss her first day of school.

Rick had been watching out the loft's picture window when the unthinkable happened. One second the south tower was there, the next it simply vanished. But what worried him the most was the plume of smoke that filled every street, alley, and everywhere there was breathable air when the building fell. It was quickly moving towards Canal and would overtake his building in a matter of seconds.

His first concern was his daughter. When he turned to find her, he saw her eyes glued to the TV screen. She had tears flowing down her face and he knew exactly why. He drew her into his embrace and held her, wishing that she could unsee what just happened. Then the view turned into night in a matter of seconds. The cloud of debris and smoke overtook the loft, and he knew that the air intake on the roof was sucking all of it inside the loft. In less than a minute, the toxic mix of air outside the loft was now being blown inside.

There was nowhere to go. Outside was worse than being inside, so Rick tied a towel around his daughter's head, covering her mouth and nose, hoping this would filter out what they saw around them. He did the same for himself.

 **10:09 am September 11** **th** **, 2001  
1 WTC North Tower**

Before they left for the rally point, Kate tried once again to contact the firemen and the lone Port Authority Police officer who went back up the stairwell, to no avail. The portable radio she was transmitting on didn't have the strength to connect with the repeaters. Without this, she was unable to talk to anyone.

She and Stedner had done all they could do. On the way out of the North Tower Lobby, they gathered about sixty or seventy people whose injuries were not serious and told them to leave by crossing either the Brooklyn or Manhattan bridge.

They were near the rally location when they heard what sounded like a tornado tearing apart everything in its path. When they both turned around and looked down West street they saw the North tower falling into itself…


	3. Chapter 3

**6:50 am September 12** **th** **, 2001  
WTC site nicknamed "The Pile"**

After being relieved by firefighters and police from different station houses and precincts the previous night, Kate Beckett and Jillian Stedner were sent to the Borough of Manhattan Community College. Inside there were cots set up that could sleep about one hundred police and firefighters. Yesterday Kate and Jillian were at the pile assisting rescue six personnel that did make it out of the North Tower before it collapsed. There were hot zones and the FDNY did the best they could to extinguish the fires before they went in to search for personnel. As it stood, by the time seven p.m. came they had only rescued four survivors, one of whom died on the way to the hospital. The air was still thick with smoke and debris from the collapse of the buildings. Most of the rescuers wandered around aimlessly, just trying to find someone who was still alive in the mess. The next morning, Kate and Jillian waited at the Borough of Manhattan's Community College gym to be transported back to the Pile, as it was starting to be called.

Both police and fire departments mutually agreed that after thirty-six hours theirs would no longer be a search and rescue mission; it would become search and recovery. What had been One and Two World Trade Center was reduced to a very large pile of rubble. Many of the facades that came down with the building were actually driven into the street, still standing upright. It looked eerily like a graveyard. And it was a graveyard for 2,996 men and women and children who perished there. She had heard later in the day that the FAA grounded all flights in and out of the country. Anything coming into the U.S. was diverted to either Mexico or Canada.

She wasn't sure what happened to Slaughter or Ryan. All she knew is that they were on one of the floors where all hell was breaking loose when the building came down. A white GMC pickup truck with Port Authority markings on it pulled up with returning fireman and three cops. The bed was filled with firemen and the cab with firemen and cops; the sight draws her from her thoughts.

"Are you Beckett and Stedner?" a cop asked as he got out of the front seat of the pickup.

"That's us, Sarge."

"Good saves me the trouble of finding your asses. Okay, listen up; this isn't going to be pretty and you're probably going to hate it, but during the night the FBI constructed a viewing stand of sorts. It's made of scaffolding on each side of a path cleared out so the dump trucks that are leaving this site and heading to Staten Island can drive through it and be inspected before they leave."

"Okay, what are we looking for?" Stedner asked.

"Yeah, are we looking for airplane parts, specific evidence, or debris?" Kate asked.

"No, nothing like that. You and a lot of FBI agents are going to be looking for human remains. Most of them are no bigger than a dime, but some are torsos, arms, legs, heads, and other assorted body parts. If you see anything in one of the dump trucks you have less than thirty seconds to advise an FBI agent working with you before that truck leaves. When you tell him what you've seen, the truck will pull over to a parking lot to get dumped and inspected. Your only job is to find body parts. The FBI will handle the rest."

"But how are they getting in there…" Kate wondered.

"You don't want to know."

Kate and Jillian walked the planks that elevated them above the dump trucks that drove through their posts. In the four hours that they'd been looking for human remains, they had stopped seventeen trucks. Every time the truck dumped its contents of concrete, steel, and other debris, the FBI agents gave them a thumbs up from the parking lot where they were bagging those remains in evidence bags.

Nights - or really any time - were especially hard for everyone there. During the search and rescue operations, anybody who was recovered from the pile automatically had an American flag draped over their body bag. Work for everybody came to a dead stop. All work completely ceased. Contractors, police, fire, EMS, Port Authority workers, everybody stopped what they were doing. The West Side Highway was the route that took these bodies directly to the morgue. Once the American flag was draped over the body bag, it was escorted by six New York City Police officers to a waiting hearse. Once the hearse was on the Westside Highway, eight NYPD motorcycle units along with eight Port Authority motorcycle units flanked the hearse, four in front and four in the back. When they were in place, eight NYPD Patrol units (four in the front and four in the rear) were joined by two Port Authority cruisers. Once the motorcade was in place the pace was slow up until 19th Street. The patrol cars returned to the Pile and the motorcycle units escorted the hearse to its final destination. While the motorcade was being set up all personnel would be summoned to the sidewalk to start lining the route. As the first Port Authority patrol car drove past civilians, firefighters, PAPD, and NYPD on or off duty rendered a salute to the passing motorcade. The salute was not released until the last unit passes. This was especially hard for Kate because most of the people that they were bringing out of there were first responders. The day before, while digging around in the Port Authorities police headquarters, they recovered five officers. All five were in the process of changing for their shift at the WTC. Everything personal was taken and cataloged and their sidearms were returned back to the Port Authority. They would never patrol again. In all, the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey would lose 37 police personnel. The FDNY lost 343 fire department personnel. And the NYPD lost 23 officers. There were other people lost as well but these losses hit home because they were men and women who served the city.

The command structure tried to alternate workers' tasks at the pile. One week they could be working with the FBI checking for human remains, the next week they'd be working the pile with search and rescue dogs and did not having much luck finding anything anymore. And then they went on details that made Kate wonder about the world she lived in.

The Canadian government had been in talks with the US government about the gold, platinum, and silver they still have in vaults where Four World Trade Center used to stand

The vaults were massive and they covered sixteen acres in total. If they were all added up, those sixteen acres would surpass the entire usable space in the entire Empire State Building alone. Kate had been partnered with Stedner from the beginning and now three weeks later they were posted with AR-15s guarding the FDNY who were removing gold bars, silver bars, and platinum bars from the vault once used by the Swiss bank but now used by the Bank of Nova Scotia. They were working with a security team from Kroll Incorporated. Last week it looked like someone had tried to rob the vaults. They had tried to gain access to the main corridor from the street level but were unsuccessful. They couldn't get further into the vault because it was probably the most secure location amid all this rubble. The Bank of Nova Scotia provided the FDNY with four dual axle armored cars. The entire transfer of bars took over seven hours. Once every armored car was filled they were escorted individually by the NYPD to the US border. Once safely at the border and in Canada then the Royal Canadian Mounted Police took over.

Xx

Rick looked foolish and he knew it. But ever since the collapse of both towers and the surrounding buildings around the site, he wore a surgical mask over his mouth and nose just to keep away whatever was in the air. And today he found himself walking down Bleecker Street towards West 10th Street to see about a certain policewoman.

He opens the doors to the 6th precinct and then walks into the lobby where the desk sergeant who sits there looks at him like he's got three heads.

"I got news for you, buddy - that mask isn't going to help you with anything. If you were in your apartment or building when the Towers came down I can guarantee you that your air intake system injected whatever was outside inside your home. Other than that, what can I do for you, sir?"

Rick pulled the mask off his face to be heard clearly.

"I'm looking for somebody. Someone who is very important to me and was down on the pile on 9/11," Rick told him.

"Sir, I can't do much. 1PP is just keeping a tight lid on where our manpower is. But if you have a name or badge number I could tell you their status and that's about it - just their status. Their status being if they are dead or alive."

Rick would take any information to find out about Kate Beckett. He wanted to know if she was alive. He didn't want her to have gone through what happened down there on the 11th.

"Her name is Kate Beckett. NYPD badge number 0334."

The desk sergeant leaned back in his chair with the roster for today's placement of personnel. It was alphabetical and Beckett's name was six from the top. He could jerk this guy around but he seemed like an honest kind of guy, so he gave him what he could.

"Sir, I can tell you that patrolman Beckett it is alive and working the pile downtown. I can also tell you that they are working 24-hour shifts starting at 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. and she is on that shift. That is all the information I can give you; now is there anything else?"

"Sergeant, is there any way I could leave a note for her? Does she ever come back here to the 6th?"

"Sir, she has accommodations downtown. She does not leave the pile at all. They predict they will be down there around the clock until sometime in December. So, while we could take your note, I'm not too sure when it would be delivered or if she would get it. But you're welcome to try."

Rick sat down on the bench across from the desk sergeant and started to write…


	4. Chapter 4

**September 11** **th** **, 2004  
The footprint of what was 1 WTC**

It had been three years and each year it was harder to attend the reading of the names of those who were lost on 9/11. But Rick and his daughter did it just to show the people of this city and the world that this event three years ago will never take their city from them. Rick watched while Alexis stood next to him. He took the time to look around between the changing of announcers and saw that this is becoming more of a bull session than anything else. He saw politicians, he saw people who were using the ceremony as a way to get out of a day's work when it should be used to honor the people who were lost on that day three years ago. It's the one thing about New Yorkers he'd never understand. If there's one thing he will instill in his daughter's mind it's the fact that people died here for no reason whatsoever. Sure, the military was dispatched to the Middle East and they were trying to take care of the threat that way, but he thought that nobody cared about soldiers losing their lives over there because it was evident in the faces he saw here today.

Newly-minted detective third grade Kate Beckett missed the first reading of the names on September 11th, 2002. At the time she was dealing with a very drunk stock trader that she had arrested and was processing his paperwork during most of the reading. He was sympathizing with the others in the bar about how it was the first anniversary of losing so many of his friends. He just took it a little too far when he drank too much and got into a fight with a very sober stockbroker; it didn't end well. But when she was free to leave she had made it over to the towers' footprints and listened to the last thirty-eight minutes of names that were left to read. But today she was here for the whole ceremony. She saw NYPD brass, local politicians, Congressmen and Congresswomen, and a Senator here and there. It was sad when she thought about it. These people were taken away without any warning whatsoever. Once Igor Zukelmans' name is read she knew that that was the end of the list. As the mourners started to leave she walked over to the NYPD temporary precinct that overshadowed the Port Authorities headquarters. On a signboard were plans for the New World Trade Center. With what she read about it in the Daily News and the Post, it would be the tallest building in the northern hemisphere when they got around to building it. What they were proposing was one single Tower instead of two Towers. Situated in both footprints for the original one and two World Trade Center would be a museum above and below. This would take time. She for one really wants to see what they come up with for the memorial. Once she was done reading the plans she started down towards Liberty Street and something caught her eye. She saw two short pigtails bobbing up and down. She knew these pigtails because she saw them three years ago to the day. She ran to catch up to the man holding the little girl's hand and it all came back so clear now. She left them standing on Canal and Mercer streets three years ago.

"Hey you, across the street, wait up!" Kate shouted to be heard.

Rick heard someone yelling for him to wait. He turned around and saw a woman in blue jeans and a cardigan sweater. She has an Eddie Bauer women's trench coat cinched tightly around her waist. He waits for her to walk across the street.

"Hey, thanks for waiting for me. I was just wondering if you remember me at all?"

Rick took a good look at the person standing in front of him and he couldn't place her for the life of him. She had long curly brown hair, hazel eyes, and a body that would put every other female to shame within a mile of her. But he couldn't remember her.

"I'm sorry, Miss, but I don't know where I know you from. Maybe you could give me your name? That might jog my memory."

"I'll do you one better. Do you remember the corner of Mercer and Canal Street?"

Rick stood there thinking hard and the only thing that came to his mind was a young beat cop who was running to the 6th Precinct on 9/11/2001 but then stopped to tell him to get somewhere safe.

"Kate Beckett? Badge number 0334?"

"That's me. How are you, Rick? I'm sorry but I never got this little one's name," Kate said.

Alexis, now 9 years old, piped up and gave Kate her name.

"It's nice to meet you, officer. My name is Alexis Castle."

"Well, Alexis, it's nice to meet you too, but I am no longer an officer. I just accepted a promotion to detective first grade. I'll be starting my new job at the Twelfth Precinct on Monday."

"Kate, that's great news," Rick said.

"So, Rick, I'm just curious to know something."

"What's that, Kate?"

"Alexis Castle? I could have sworn you told me that your last name was Rodgers when we met in 2001."

"That, dear detective, is a long story. Can I interest you in a cup of coffee or maybe some lunch so I can tell you all about it?"

Kate, who had nothing to do at the moment, agreed. Soon Rick, Alexis, and Kate were heading away from the memorial and towards a diner that she knew very well. She thought that he might know about it too because he came down here every year to hear the names being read off. She looked over to him and said one word.

"George's?"

"Good food, good atmosphere, yeah George's."

George's Diner, among other restaurants in and around the city, donated most of their food on September 11th, 2001 and beyond. Each of the uniformed personnel assigned to the pile were able to walk into any diner or restaurant in lower Manhattan during the recovery operation and would be served a warm meal. This happened usually right after their shift was over. Kate knew that George's was a great place to eat and apparently so did Rick.

They were able to find a booth for three even during the lunch rush.

"So, Kate, tell me what you've been up to in the last three years since I saw you last."

"Well, after I met you on the corner of Mercer and Canal Street, I made it to the precinct just in time to catch a bus down to the Pile. From there we worked the Pile until December 12th for three months and one day after the attack."

"I don't know how you did it. I really don't – Kate, it must have been hell."

"Rick, you have no idea. We did everything we could to save as many as we could. Most of the time we worked past our twelve-hour shifts just wanting to get the job done. Technically the job itself was one big crime scene. And the reason we worked so hard was to put the families of the victims at ease knowing that their remains had been found and identified.

"So tell me, what's up with the name Castle?"

"Well, according to my publisher - who's all about image - the Rodgers name wouldn't sell that many books. So, putting their heads together, they came up with Richard Castle, 'master of the macabre'. And it seems to have worked because I sold more books than I ever dreamed of.

"Kate, about to get off the subject, but there are many times I thought about you down there during the months that followed the attacks. I even tried to find you at the 6th Precinct one day. I even left you a…"

Kate reached into the left pocket of her trench coat and pulled out an old weather beaten, dirty, and faded envelope that'd had been folded one too many times. From the envelope, she pulled out a letter written on 6th Precinct letterhead. When Rick looked up at her he couldn't believe that someone actually delivered his letter to her.

"…a letter. Yeah, I got it. Did you mean what you said in this letter, Rick?"

"With all my heart Kate."

"Well, I think you should ask me the question you promised you would on the third anniversary of the attacks, don't you?"

"I think I will. Katherine Beckett, NYPD Detective, badge number 0334, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

"Why Mr. Castle, I hardly know you!" Kate teased.

"Come now, Miss Beckett, don't play coy with me. For what we've been through, even though we've only met each other once, you had my heart even back then. You just didn't know it till right now."

"Well, in that case, Mr. Castle, if I have your heart then I might as well have the rest of you as well - so yes, I will marry you."

Kate re-read the letter that Rick sent to her three years ago.

 _Dearest Kate,_

 _It's been two weeks since we met on the corner of Mercer and Canal Street. I have a proposition for you that I had given a lot of thought to what could have happened to us during the last two weeks on that day. I know that we are not a couple yet, and we hardly know each other but there is something about you that I can't seem to live without. It must be you. I really dread the fact that you are putting your life in harm's way to save others but I know this is your job. This leads me to a question that I will ask you if I can find you on the 3rd anniversary of the attacks. Kate Beckett, I want you to be my wife. I think that two people who meet the way we did deserve to live to a ripe old age together. Ours is a love story that's not quite finished yet. I know you hardly know me and I you but think about it - we could be great together._

 _Yours Forever,_

 _Rick_

Kate had received this letter a week after Rick wrote it. His letter saw her through some tough times and it's all she'd thought about in the last three years, hoping that he was alive and well since the attacks so he could ask her his question. Now she knew that they'd make it, because let's face it, they have both made it to right where they are now in this moment. Together again. _  
_


	5. Chapter 5

**Sunday, April 10** **th** **2005 10:00 am.  
East Chapel  
City Hall Park, New York, NY**

They decided that they would marry in the spring. They wanted a simple affair nothing about it being too over the top. But neither could wait that much longer after spring had officially arrived. They find themselves at city hall in the East Chapel of New York City hall only twenty days after the start of spring. Rick had taken care of everything for which she was grateful. Only yesterday he had filed for their marriage license and after he received the email confirming the purchase of said marriage license, they were legally allowed to marry after twenty-four hours. He had the mayor's office provide a photographer and they had a couple of guests in attendance.

 **12 hours prior…**

"Kate, what about your father? Will he be attending the ceremony today? I know you told me that your mother passed away in 1999, but I don't know that much about him."

"Rick, dad took mom's death pretty hard. Soon after her death, he crawled into the bottom of a bottle and literally never came out of it. One night he was drowning his sorrows at McSorley's, he stayed there late shooting whiskey shots, and then he decided that he'd be sober enough to make the drive home in his drunken condition. Funny fact about drunk drivers, they usually are very relaxed when they are in that condition. One would even say loose. This was quite opposite the fact with my father."

"He was driving East on a section of Interstate 278 in southern Brooklyn when he was hit head on by another drunk driver driving up the wrong way on the ramp, ironic huh? He was exiting off at Atlantic Avenue and he never noticed the other driver coming straight at him. They both died at the scene."

"Kate, I am so sorry. I never knew."

"Rick, for me it's in the past. Am I sad? Sure I am. But what pains me the most is that he could never see what his drinking was doing to everyone around him, me included."

"So are you ready? Is there anything that I can get for you?

"Rick I have everything right here in front of me. The big question is _are_ you ready?"

"Yes, I am."

"Okay then we'd better get some sleep. Pick me up by nine?"

"I'll be there!"

 **Sunday, June 8th, 2008 1:45 pm.  
595 Broome Street, NYC, NY.**

This is something that they both want. Something that they've both been planning for together but she can't seem to shut her brain off for this reason. _Is_ this what they want? He did tell her that he had always wanted more children, right? So why is she feeling like he will hate her when she gives him this news?

 **24 hours earlier…**

"Well it's confirmed Kate. Congratulations!"

"So it's true? I'm going to have a baby?"

"You will." Doctor Hall had seen many reactions when she told her patients that they were expecting. But by the way Kate looked in front of her, well maybe telling her might not have been such a good thing.

"Kate, is something wrong?" Dr. Hall asked.

"No. I mean maybe, I'm not sure. We've been trying to conceive for almost a year now. Rick was losing faith in the whole getting me pregnant thing."

"Okay this can happen. Becoming frustrated with something like this is somewhat normal."

"No I get that, but it's what Rick told me after the last time we made love. He said that if we were not pregnant after this, then we might as well not even bother."

"Kate, Rick wants to have a baby with you this I know for a fact. I have seen the love he has for you. But there are times when a man thinks less of himself when the two of you keep getting bad news month after month. But Kate this is good news! So, do me a favor and stop worrying about this and go home and tell your husband that he will be a father."

"Yeah?" Kate asked nervously.

"Yeah. I'm sure. Oh, and by the way, don't forget to make s follow up appointment for a month from now. Because next month we will be able to hear your baby's heartbeat."

Kate turned around and left Dr. Halls office after making her next appointment with a better outlook on what she needed to do.

Knowing that he'd come about five minutes ago she still paced inside the bathroom knowing that what she was doing was in no way calming her nerves. So, she just went for it.

"Rick, are you home?" Kate asked knowing that he was.

"I just walked in. Where are you?"

"Come and see me in the bedroom."

She sat on the edge of their bed trying to calm down. This was going to be big news and she hoped he would love it.

"Kate, what's going on?"

"A lot actually." She said leaving him hanging there.

"Okay. How about a couple of clues then?"

"Alright. Two am, labor, swollen ankles."

Rick looked at her with a face that had no clue as to why she would be saying things like this.

"Did you hurt yourself out in the field today? Twisted your ankle maybe?"

"That right there is one of the many reasons why I love you. No, my ankles are fine, but thanks for the concern."

"Then how are your ankles swollen then?"

"Babe, that was one of my clues. My ankles are fine, well for right now they are."

He was stumped. He had no idea what she was driving at. Maybe if he asked for a couple more clues.

Knowing that he didn't have a clue she took both of his hands into hers and looked him in the eye. He tilted his head wondering what she was going to tell him.

"Listen to me Rick, soon I will be going into labor and then we are going to be up around two in the morning…"

"No WAY! Are you sure? Oh my god, I can't believe this! Is it true?"

"Well if you think that I am going to be giving you a son or daughter in eight months, then yes that part is true."

The second she finished her sentence she was engulfed in his arms and brought tightly into him completely putting her at ease. She never wanted to leave his arms again.

Xx

 **Friday, August 26** **th** **, 2011 8:30 am.  
595 Broome Street New York, NY.**

"Rick you need to take Reese and Jake to the nursery school for their assessment at nine this morning." Kate shouted out while she was getting dressed in their bedroom.

"That I can do. I'll take them and be there by 8:45."

"Thanks hon. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Oh, that reminds me, Dr. Hall wanted you to stop by later this afternoon. She had something to talk to you about."

"My appointment isn't until next week. Did she say what she wanted to talk about?"

"No she didn't. Maybe she wants to talk about our yet unborn peanut."

Kate gave him a look and he quickly moved to get the twins ready to leave not wanting to be on the receiving end of her look.

Xx

 **Friday, August 26th, 2011 4:30 pm.  
Dr. Halls office  
Midtown Manhattan**

"Kate the reason I asked you to come in today, was because we need to talk about what we found in your last set of blood tests."

"Is something wrong with the baby? Is she okay?"

"Kate it's not the baby I'm concerned with. It's you."

"Me? What are you talking about?"

"Let's have a seat in my office."

After getting a little more comfortable Dr. Hall explained the results she had received back on Kate.

"Kate the baby is fine, please don't stress out about her okay?"

"Okay."

"Now the issue we have is what was found in your last tests. They came back and, in some areas, certain red flags went up. So, I am going to ask you to let them take some more blood for a CBC, Blood protein testing. I am also going to rule out Tumor markers in your blood."

"Do you think that I have cancer?" Kate asked her not really believing it herself.

"Kate, I'm not sure. But let's rule out every other possibility first. We'll get these tests done and then I will call in a specialist. He's a good man and knows his way around every test that is out there. Relax Kate. Everything will be fine."

Xx

Rick heard the door open and close quietly. It was as if there would be a rant coming his way and soon which usually did happen. But when he walked into the living room and saw his wife with tears running down her face leaning heavily against the front door he knew something was terribly wrong.

"Kate, what is it?"

Trying to control her sobbing she tried to answer her husband.

"Dr. Hall wants to have me tested for certain blood markers."

"Blood markers? Which ones?"

"The ones that cause cancer."


	6. Chapter 6

Rick could only stare at his wife, not believing what she'd just told him. There had to be some mistake. This couldn't be happening to her. But first, he needed the whole story before he jumped to any conclusions.

"Kate, I thought that Dr. Hall wanted to talk to you about our new peanut."

"I went there thinking the same thing. But when she told me to come into her office and sit down to talk I knew that something was wrong. Now it seems that I have to speak to two or three specialists in order to find out what is wrong with me."

"What did she say about peanut? Is she okay?"

"This is still in the discovery stages. They want to see me on Tuesday morning. I have to call Dr. Hall tomorrow and get her referrals for these doctors. I'm in the dark here, babe. But she did tell me that peanut is right where she is supposed to be for how far along I am." Kate said as she rubbed her baby bump.

Then Rick had a thought.

"I don't want to alarm you, Kate, but do you think that working down at the pile for those three months after the attacks could be the cause of what's happening with you now?"

"I'm not sure. But you do remember the fallout that was around lower Manhattan back then? We wore those surgical masks, but not until the EPA told us that the air _might_ be hazardous to us. For the first two months we were working the pile with nothing but our utility blues."

"Kate - what about me and Alexis? We were living in the hot zone back then and we never went in for any testing."

"I don't know what to tell you, babe. But if we were to do anything because of what Dr. Hall thinks, I'd get tested for everything under the sun. That goes for Alexis as well."

"Who do you need to see tomorrow?"

"First Dr. Hall. Then she'll bring me to see an oncologist. After that, I'm not sure what happens."

"This is not happening to us. They told us that the air quality was fine, there was nothing to be worried about. We breathed that air in for years!"

"Honey, don't jump to conclusions. You've done that ever since we've been married. Let's get the testing done on all of us first."

Rick looked down at her baby bump, wondering if he should voice his thoughts to her, but decided he'd keep those thoughts to himself until a better time presented itself.

Xx

Rick, Alexis, Jake, and Reese were just leaving the doctor's office after being checked out thoroughly. The results from the twins were negative. But Alexis had something the doctors can identify readily. She'd need to go in for more tests. Rick, on the other hand, had respiratory issues and a possible blood infection. He didn't understand what a blood infection was so he went home to do as much research as he could on the subject.

Xx

Kate sat in Dr. Hall's office waiting for the two doctors to arrive. Not wanting this meeting to be awkward, Dr. Hall started making small talk with her.

"So Kate, how are Rick, Alexis, and the twins?"

"They're doing good. Rick and the kids are getting tests done this morning."

"Tests? For what?" Dr. Hall asked.

"We thought about the doctors that I am seeing today and wanted to know if there was any possibility of them having any health issues."

"I see. Kate, make sure that they get a full workup. Bloodwork and chest X-rays as well."

"Why, Dr. Hall?

"Even though I am an OBGYN I have heard stories from men and women who worked down at the World Trade Center site who've been diagnosed with cancer, respiratory distress syndrome, blood infection, and a host of other ailments that we are only now discovering."

"Now I see why you wanted me to meet with these other doctors. "

"Exactly, Kate."

Just as she finished her sentence there was a knock at Dr. Hall's door. She got up to answer it and in walked an older gentleman with a bald head and a younger man of about 40.

They entered and took a seat at the table where Kate was sitting. Doctor Hall closed the door and sat next to her.

Kate read the embroidered name tag on the right side of the older man's lab coat. It says Dr. Amin Khatri.

"Mrs. Castle, my name is Doctor Amin Khatri. I am in charge of the Oncology Department here at the hospital. There were some red flags that popped up in your initial tests that we want to look into further. It seems that you - along with a lot of your co-workers and people who lived in lower Manhattan during the 9/11 attacks - have become more frequent patients in the past years. They have respiratory and blood issues. And now we've come to realize that cancer is becoming a more prominent diagnosis in these people as well. I do see from your records that you are three months along in your pregnancy, is that right?

"Yes, I started my second trimester last week."

"I'm going to be straightforward with you, Mrs. Castle. No matter what we find wrong with your body, you are going to have to make a choice between your life or the life of your unborn baby. I know this sounds precipitous, but from what I've seen in the preliminary tests it could be that this is a choice you will need to make sooner than you thought. The chemicals that are involved in the chemotherapy treatment, if we do have to go that route, will harm your baby. And if you opt not to receive treatment for your disease, giving the chance for your baby to make it through your pregnancy will definitely put a strain on your body. So, you have a choice to make, Mrs. Castle. My colleague and I will go over your results once we get everything we need from you. You're going to need to spend most of the day here today."

All Kate could do is turn and look at Dr. Hall, who looked as white as she did. But she tried to calm Kate down.

"Kate, that's the worst case scenario, I'm guessing. I don't know if you should be making a decision right now since the tests have not even been performed yet. Let's just look at them once the results come in."

Kate just nodded and watched as both doctors got up from the table and stood by the door to wait for her.

"Go with them, get your tests done and then meet me back here when you're finished. We'll go over everything together," Dr. Hall told her.

For the next six and a half hours they poked, prodded, drew blood samples, urine samples, stool samples, and even samples of her hair. From one department to another she was shuffled all over the hospital, and it was just about at the 5 hour mark when she was just about finished. She sat in the waiting chairs facing the X-ray room. She was third in line for her last test, a chest X-ray. She watched as the tech read her file and called her name.

"Kate Castle," the tech called.

Kate raised her arm. He motioned her forward to the interior room. The X-ray was done in three minutes. She was told to go back to her doctor's office and they would send the results to her doctor.

When she arrived back at Dr. Hall's office, Dr. Hall picked up her desk phone and made a call to Dr. Khatri. During the call, she told him that Kate was back from all her tests and asked if he would like to go over them with her. There was a short conversation and she hung up the phone. When she looked at her watch Kate noticed that it was just about 4:30 in the afternoon. She'd missed lunch and her stomach was letting her know it.

"Kate, I have Dr. Khatri returning with your tests that were ran earlier this morning. He will stop by the X-ray department and pick up your latest chest X-ray."

"Dr. Hall, I've been here all day - is there any way I can call my husband and have him here when the results are read?"

"That might not be the best route to take. What I mean is you need to get this information and then you need to go home and talk with Rick. Being at home is better than being here getting this type of news. So, when your doctor returns he'll give you the rundown on everything. I just hope it isn't as bad as he thinks it is."

"So do I."

But it was just the opposite when Dr. Khatri placed the last file down and looked directly across the table at Kate.

"Mrs. Castle, you have a lot of different problems going on in your body right now. Your lungs are compromised with lung cancer, you have a blood infection that affects your white blood count, and you're going to need further tests concerning your blood work alone. We're not sure what exactly is in your blood; all we know is that it is attacking your body from the inside out. And it's true that while you were working down at the Trade Center site in 2001, these symptoms have been well hidden. They've only come to light now because your doctor, Dr. Hall, requested a specific test for your baby. If it wasn't for that test we would have never caught this. Now, whatever kind of treatment we place you on will definitely affect your unborn baby. Studies have proved that some babies make it through without any ill effects, and that's the best-case scenario. Others are stillborn after being carried to term. You have a hard decision to make, Mrs. Castle. I suggest you go home to your family and tell them what has happened here today. But please try not to take too long in making your decision. Time is of the essence."

As both doctors got up to leave Kate looked over at Dr. Hall, unable to stop the tears flowing down her cheeks.


	7. Chapter 7

Dr. Hall held Kate's hand and sat there crying just as her friend and patient did. This was going to be harder than she thought. Kate would have to make a decision that would affect her family and her life. What she needed to do was get hold of Rick and have him come pick up Kate, because there was no way she was going to let her leave her office in her current state of mind.

"Kate, I'm going to call Rick now. I'll have him come over to my office to pick you up."

"There's no need; I'll just take a cab home or hop on the subway," Kate said, trying to be brave.

"You're out of your mind if you think I'm going to let you walk out that office door all by yourself! There's no way I'll let you wander the streets of New York City with a decision that you are going to need to make with your family. Rick will be here soon, so stay put."

Kate did not have the energy to argue with her doctor, so she just sat there and waited. Dr. Hall got up and made the phone call from her desk. When she returned she told Kate that Rick would be here in 20 minutes; he would have Alexis stay with the twins until they returned.

"Sarah, what am I going to do?"

"Kate, I can't answer that question for you. Only you can. You will have some emotional and hard decisions that you need to make - and soon, I might add. You know that I will support whatever you decide."

Xx

Rick raced through the lobby to the elevator, pressing the call button constantly, hoping it would come faster. The doors opened and he stepped on, willing the car to move faster when the doors closed. Before he knew it, the elevator doors were opening on the 8th floor. He stepped off, and directly across from the elevator were the doors for Dr. Hall's office. He walked through the outer doors and straight to her office, and knocked.

Dr. Hall heard the knock and got up to answer the door. The second the door swung open he bolted through it, his eyes scanning the room for Kate.

"Rick, slow down. Everything's fine; Kate is in my office."

"Dr. Hall, I got here as quick as I could - can you please tell me what's going on?"

Dr. Hall walked toward her office, not saying anything until she got closer to her inner office. She wanted Kate and Rick to talk. Then she'd stay there for any medical questions that they might have. If they wanted her to leave then she would.

The second he walked through the door he saw the anguish, sadness, and worry written all over Kate's face. He quickly went to her side and took her hand in his. When he looked up at her, a fresh round of tears was coming down her cheeks again.

"What is it, Kate?" Rick asked.

Kate knew telling him would be devastating for him to hear. But it needed to be done. She gathered up her courage and started.

"Babe, do you remember when Dr. Hall ran a routine test a couple of days ago? She didn't like what the results told her, so she consulted with two other doctors, and all day today I've been going through tests."

"Okay," Rick said hesitantly.

"The tests the doctors told me that ever since 9/11, cases like mine have been abundant. They also told me that due to my pregnancy, any treatment that I can have will need to be given to me after I have our baby."

"Kate, I don't like what I am hearing here. What happens if you decide to have the treatment now?"

"If we decide that this is the route we want to take, there is a chance that we would lose our baby. Rick, this is a decision that we both need to make. I am not going to be the only one responsible if our baby lives or dies," Kate said.

"I need to know what you're thinking," said Rick. "I can't do anything that would put our baby in danger. I'm not sure how you feel about what will happen but…"

Kate immediately cut Rick off.

"Babe, there's no question about what I want. I could never do anything like that to a life that hasn't even had the chance to experience any of what the world has to offer. So no, I am not going to put our baby at risk."

"You do realize that if you decide to do this, it will put a strain on your body long after the baby is born," Rick says with eyes that are already starting to water.

"There are questions we need to ask Dr. Hall; why don't we get that taken care of so we can ask ourselves the hardest questions later?" Kate suggested.

"Dr. Hall – Sarah –" she went on, "I need to know if there's anything that I can take that won't harm the baby but might give me the extra time to bring him or her to full term?"

"According to Dr. Khatri, nothing other than a full regiment of chemotherapy and radiation therapy would give you any kind of chance to beat this. And even that might be a long shot. I'm not too sure how late in the pregnancy you can start taking these drugs without affecting your child. I'd have to talk to him about the time frame before your baby's born. But you would have to schedule a C-section in order to start any kind of therapy prior to the baby being born. This way we can control how much medication is ingested by your son or daughter. I know one thing - it would only be about a day or two at the most. That isn't much of a head start but at least it's something. We would still have to talk to Dr. Khatri to get all the information we can."

"Dr. Hall, this would be the worst case scenario for Kate, am I correct?" Rick asked.

"Rick, I'm afraid so. If Kate elects to let her pregnancy run its course without drugs then her body will be weakened, and the disease will probably have moved further into other organs by then. We're talking about six months from now, and a lot can happen in that time. On top of being pregnant, the disease that she has will make her feel even more exhausted and run down. So you're going to have to be the primary caregiver for Kate."

"Is there any way to isolate the baby from Kate's illness?" Rick thought there might be a way around this.

"Are you asking if there is a way we could separate Kate's blood from the baby's?"

"I guess so – yeah, that would be what I was thinking. Is that a possibility?"

"Rick, while I'd like to think that could work, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to break your bubble. There is no way that we can separate Kate blood supply from the baby's. They're all one encompassing supply. So whatever Kate has, the baby is getting. That is a good idea, though."

"Listen, I know it has been a lot for you to take in, but both of you need to go home and think about this in a setting where you can be relaxed, one where you can talk, and come to a decision that satisfies both of you. I know what you said here tonight is that you would like to keep your child and I'm happy for you, I really am. But Kate, you need to understand that if you do decide to do that, this disease will have taken such a toll on your body that you won't be able to recover. Your baby won't be able to breastfeed, you won't be able to hold him or her because you will be in such a weakened state that it will be impossible to do anything other than just look at him or her. You are going to have to rely on Rick for everything in about four months from now. And if I were to guess, I would say that you would most likely be on bed rest for the last month or two of your pregnancy," Dr. Hall told them sadly.

Rick just turned from Dr. Hall and looked directly at Kate. He could see almost immediately that she had already made up her mind. And he agreed with her decision. But they would go home and let their kids know what was going on because it's what they did. So, they got up, shook Dr. Hall's hands and left her office.

They walked back home for two reasons. The first was that it was a wonderful night out. Not too hot, not too cold; it was just right. The second was that while they walked they could discuss what how they were going to tell Reese, Jake, and Alexis what was happening with their mother.

That's when Rick realized, when Kate mentioned Alexis's name, that he never told her about the tests that were run on the kids earlier today.

"Kate, I never told you what happened when we went to the doctor today. They cleared Reese and Jake with no medical issues at all. They are healthy. On the other hand, I'm afraid to say, Alexis has what you have. She has a blood disorder that they have not nailed down yet. And her respiratory system is diminished now. This is all from what happened on 9/11, when we were breathing in air directly from the outside through the air vents that were in the loft. It just came into the loft, and even though we were wearing no masks, it's still become deadly for us.

"Rick, I want her tested until there are no more tests to give her. I don't want her ending up like me," Kate said.

"Kate, there's no way I would let that happen – hell, I don't even want that happening to you. But we will beat this, Kate, I promise you that."

They finished their walk, knowing that when they got back to the loft they had a lot of explaining to do to their children.


	8. Chapter 8

**Warning Character deaths.**

 _ **Seven months later…**_

Rick made a sound that sounded like a strangled cry that stuck in his throat. He watched as Kate was moved from her regular room to an ICU room. His hand went immediately to cover his mouth to quiet his cry because he knew this was where she would be until the end came. He thought back to the previous month right after she delivered their daughter.

 _"Kate she is so beautiful. You've done a wonderful job!" Rick praised her after their daughter was brought into the world._

"Babe, you need to get Dr. Khatri in here for me. I'm not feeling my best right now."

"You just brought our daughter into the world. You're entitled to be a little exhausted," Rick told her.

"It's more than me being exhausted. The pain is everywhere - and something doesn't feel right. Get him please."

Rick rushed out of the delivery room and frantically searched for his wife's doctor. The first person he literally ran into was his older daughter.

"Alexis, have you seen Dr. Khatri anywhere?" He asked as he tried to stop her from falling.

"No Dad, why? What's wrong with Mom? Did she have the baby yet?" Alexis asked hopefully.

"Honey, what I need you to do right now is just take care of Reese and Jake for me for a little bit. I'll talk to you later once I find your mother's doctor. And she did have the baby - Lily is her name."

Alexis just watched as her father ran down the hall trying to find Dr. Khatri.

He finally found the doctor two floors down, in a consult with a patient, so he had to wait an additional five minutes before he could ask him to come up and see Kate. Seeing Rick, Dr. Khatri tried to wrap up his consult quickly, because what he saw on Rick's face was pure fear. He'd known that Kate would have a difficult pregnancy, but aside from giving her medication now, there's not much more he can do.

Xx

Dr. Khatri walked into Kate's room in the ICU and immediately took her hand in his. What he felt was cold. Her blood was not circulating the way it should within her body. He took her pulse and heart rate and observed her breathing. The OB was just finishing cleaning Kate up after she'd given birth. She obviously felt run down; the ordeal definitely took a toll on her body. When she opened her eyes and looked directly at him he felt bad for her. He saw the look in her eye - he has seen it many times before in people who know that their time in this world is short.

"What can I do for you, Kate?" Dr. Khatri asked.

"Ever since the epidural wore off, the pain is immense. It's like it's all over my body. My stomach, my back and even my head hurts. Is there anything you can do to ease the pain?"

"Kate, morphine will ease the pain you are now experiencing. But from my experience it won't last long. If you can stand it I'd like to wait until you have reached the threshold of your pain limit. This will ease what you are feeling when the time comes. Nothing will stop the progression of the disease. Even without doing a complete body scan I can tell you that it has progressed from your lungs to your kidney, liver, and stomach. But if you're serious about wanting to know how far it's spread we can set up a test to tell you exactly that," he added as a last resort.

He just looked at her, and she shook her head "no", knowing that it was futile to order any more tests.

Rick, who knew this was inevitable, asked Dr. Khatri if Kate could be made comfortable. The doctor agreed and ordered a morphine drip to ease her pain in direct defiance of her DNR. He ordered it - but didn't order the full dosage. He wanted her to be coherent but comfortable so he cut the dose in half.

Looking across her bed, Dr. Khatri nods to Rick, hoping he'd understand that he wanted to speak with him outside Kate's room in private. Rick got the message; he was outside in the hallway before the doctor could even think about moving out to meet him. When he finally met Rick out in the hallway he needed to tell him a couple of things that would most likely break him.

He put his hand on Rick's shoulder hoping to soften the blow a little.

"Rick, the next few weeks are going to be downright terrible. It will be terrible for both of you, but more for you than for her, I'm afraid. She will start to have shortness of breath. And eventually, once the cancer makes its last push, it will essentially have taken over her whole body. Her immune system will break down, and slowly, one by one, each of her organs will stop working."

"This will be hard for you to watch. I know that you want to be there for her, but she'll be in a lot of pain and you'll wish she had a quick end to that pain. Just for tonight why don't you go home to Alexis, Jake, Reese, and Lily. Be with them. Spend time with them, Rick, because the coming days will be hell on you."

"What can we expect to happen now?" Rick asked.

"By now her body has been compromised from having the baby. She already had a compromised immune system before she delivered Lily and now the cancer will only move faster through her body. In short, it will start to attack every untouched living organ. Her lungs will fill with water; her kidneys will stop working, and that will be the beginning of the end. Once her kidneys stop filtering all the contaminated urine it will be absorbed back into her bloodstream, which will cause her to go into septic shock. With the inability to breath correctly she will be trying to gasp for air that she can't pull into her lungs," Dr. Khatri said sadly.

"Thank you for telling me all this, Doctor."

Xx

Thinking back to that conversation, Rick wondered if she really knew what she was giving to their family. His bet was that she probably did. She gave the ultimate gift of life. She had given her life for her daughter's life. He had taken the night to be with his family three weeks ago, and it felt like a lifetime ago. He'd been practically living at the hospital, never leaving her room. He felt bad because Alexis has been taking care of Lily since the day he brought her back to the loft two weeks ago. But as he looked at Kate lying in her bed, he wondered if there was anything else they could do to make her a little more comfortable. Then another thought entered his head: why wouldn't Kate try to at least see Lily before she had become incapacitated? He decided to talk to her doctor about it.

Just as he finished that thought, he saw her eyes open and begin frantically searching for him. He knew that with all certainty she would never be able to see him again; even though her eyes had turned in his direction, she had never really seen him. He also knew that she had a DNR order in place because she didn't want life-saving measures to be spent on her when it was no longer possible to save her life. For her, it came down to the quality of life, which she would never have again. They had argued about it but in the end, he could see her reasoning. Why prolong something when the quality of your life is not what you want it to be? Even though she did have a DNR in place, Rick asked for her to have morphine to make her a little bit more comfortable in the end, and her doctor agreed.

"Rick, are you there?" Kate called out now.

It was eating him up on the inside, knowing that he was going to lose her any day now. She'd lost the ability to see two days ago and all they had to communicate with now was their voices and his touch.

"Kate, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

"The pain is excruciating even with the morphine."

"I know, baby, I know. The doctors are doing everything they can for you. I am so sorry."

Rick listened as she tried to breathe in, not achieving a full breath. He could tell that she is not getting the air into her lungs like she used to. Then she started to cough.

"Kate, take it easy - slow, shallow breaths, okay?"

"No matter what I do it will be useless," she gasped. "And with the DNR I can't ask to be intubated. Not that I want to be - but I don't want to be a total invalid when the time comes."

Rick knew that the end was coming soon but he would hold off what he wanted to say until later.

"Honey, you know that you can always rescind the DNR, don't you?" Rick suggested.

"Why? Why would I do something that wouldn't give me a desired result? Listen, I know that I made my choice; actually, we made the choice, but it's a good choice, babe. We've had the last 17 years together and there is nothing I would change. Now do me a favor and go get the children and bring them back for one last visit."

"All right, Kate. I'll be back as quick as I can," Rick said, giving her a solemn look as he left her room.

When he left the room it felt to him like she knew something and she didn't want to share it with him.

He picked up the kids in record time. They were all piled in the SUV when his phone rang. Activating the answer button in the Mercedes SUV, he said, "Hello."

"Mr. Castle, this is Nurse Garnett. You need to return back to the hospital as soon as you possibly can. Your wife had a stroke and crashed twice on her hospital bed. We were about to resuscitate her but her doctor advised us that she has a DNR. It would be in your best interest to get here as quick as you can. I'm not too sure how long she will last," the nurse said.

Rick was always a careful driver, but now he floored it. He'd been halfway to the hospital when he got the call, and it only took him an additional 4 minutes to get the rest of the trip done. He got Alexis, Jake, and Reese out of the car and told Alexis where to take the boys inside the hospital. While they left, Rick circled round to remove Lily from the car seat base. Soon he was following all of his children to the elevator.

What he saw when he entered the room was nothing like when he left. The medical personnel had not done anything to resuscitate Kate. The DNR took care of that. It was her sheer will to stay alive that he admired about her because this was exactly what she was doing. She looked grave, and a moment after Alexis looked at Kate, she looked back to her father with tears in her eyes. She knew as well as he did that the end was closer than they all thought.

Even with the stroke affecting the right side of her body, Kate was still able to keep both eyes open and comprehend what was being said around her. She weakly raised her arm and hand to welcome her sons to her side. They stepped into her touch without hesitation.

"Jake, Reese, I need you to listen to your father from now on. Try not to give him any problems. Respect each other and your sister because you're all each other has in life."

"Mom, why is this happening to you?" Jake asked, wanting to understand.

"Sweetie, what is happening to me now really started a long time ago. Do you remember when daddy told you about the twin towers and when they fell?"

"I do."

"Well, I worked the area right after they fell, and without knowing it, I became sick way back then. It just took this long to take its toll."

"Mom, does it hurt?"

"Not in the least. And do you know why?"

"No," Reese answered.

"Because I have all of you here to make me feel loved. So, there is no hurt in my heart."

Alexis came forward and took her mother's hand into hers.

"Alexis, my beautiful girl."

"Mom, how are you really?" Alexis asked.

"Baby, you know that I have never lied to you. I always told you the truth. I'm fine. I've known you most of your life. I need you to do something for me, okay?"

"I will. What is it?"

"Make sure your father lives his life to the fullest. That goes for you too. Embrace life. Live long to remember me. I will always love you like you were my own child, Alexis."

Kate released her hand and Alexis wiped the tears that wouldn't stop flowing.

"Kate, you need to rest. Here, let me readjust your pillow so you are more comfortable."

Just as Rick moved to do just that, Kate reached for his hand and stopped him, and he slipped her hand into his.

"Babe, we've had a great run. I'd never trade anything for it. Watch out for them," she added, nodding to the children. "They are our future. I love you, Rick."

"I love you too, Kate."

Her hand fell limply to the bed and he instantly looked up at her eyes, saw that they were closed, and heard the heart monitor sound a steady tone and show a straight line.

Xx

Detective Katherine Houghton Beckett was laid to rest with full NYPD honors two days later. She was posthumously awarded the rank of Lieutenant and the benefits that accompanied that promotion.

 **Monday, June 12** **th** **, 2023**

Richard Castle joined his wife six years later, almost to the day he lost his wife. He was diagnosed with what Kate had and more. His initial diagnosis was colon cancer and even treated, it spread from there. Knowing the pain that she endured, he had his doctor alter the pump that delivered the pain-relieving morphine to him. For all practical purposes, Dr. Amin Khatri would be blameless in what Rick ultimately did to end his life. He made sure of it.

Xx

Alexis closed the book she had been keeping over the last twenty-eight years since 9/11 when a warm hand caressed her shoulder.

"Baby, come to bed; it's really late," said a voice.

"I will. Just let me put this away," she replied.

Tyler watched as his wife of four years as she moved slowly toward the hutch where she kept every one of her father's novels. Her body betrayed her, stopping her from doing the simplest tasks. The doctors said that they might have a treatment for her, but Tyler wasn't holding his breath…

 **The last chapter will be posted on the 17** **th** **anniversary of 9/11. I will also post an A/N with a small description of what I went through on that day. Thank you so much for reading this and always remember those we lost on 9/11/01.**

 **P2P**


	9. Chapter 9

Rick heard the door open and close quietly. It was as if there would be a rant coming his way and soon which usually did happen. But when he walked into the living room and saw his wife with tears running down her face leaning heavily against the front door he knew something was terribly wrong.

"Kate, what is it? What's wrong?"

Trying to control her sobbing she tried to answer her husband.

"Dr. Hall wants to have me tested for certain blood markers."

"Blood markers? Which ones?"

"The ones that can identify cancer."

He walks over to her and draws her into his broad body. Then he whispers this in her ear,

 _"Kate, I am sure that Dr. Hall is just being thorough. She knows that you worked the pile for those three months and patrolled, worked, and live in lower Manhattan. She just wants to make sure that she has all of her bases covered."_

"Are you sure?"

"Kate what else could she be looking into? She only wants to make sure that you and peanut are doing well and are staying healthy." Rick said as he lowered his hand to her abdomen relaxing her by caressing he not yet there bump.

Xx

 _ **One week later…**_

Kate was in the kitchen making lunch for Rick because once he gets into his writing zone, he never comes out. Then he usually forgets to eat anything. He was right about why Dr. Hall had ordered those extra tests. In recent years there have been many first responders that have become ill and died from complications while working the pile immediately after the buildings collapsed. She had lost so many friends over the years and it never got any easier. But today she has to tell Rick that one of her best friends passed away yesterday. And she only found out because of the pending lawsuit she had filed. She finishes making her husband's lunch places it on a tray and carries it into his office. She sees him furiously typing on his laptop. He probably has Derrick Storm in another perilous situation. He never noticed her walking up to his desk and placing the tray down next to him.

"Rick. Rick. RICHARD CASTLE!"

Kate giggled as Rick almost fell out of his chair when she yelled his name out. He recovered quickly and asked why she was yelling at him.

"I made you lunch babe. So why don't you take a break. I have something to tell you as well."

All Rick did was look at her not knowing that what she was going to say. But whatever it was it had to be serious by the look on her face. He got up from his desk picked up the tray she brought in, walked over to the coffee table and placed the tray down and sat gesturing her to come sit with him. She did.

"So Kate what's going on?"

"Well, I know that you know Jillian Stedner. She's been over to the loft a couple of times when we were partners."

"I remember her. She was partnered with you for five years after the two of you worked on the pile."

"She was. We were partners on patrol before I became a detective 3rd grade. When I took the promotion, she stayed in blues."

"What about her did she make detective too after all these years?" Rick asked.

"Rick she was still a patrolman. She loved the neighborhood and never wanted to leave the people there she was one of those cops who loved her job. She actually passed away yesterday and the only reason I know is that a lawyer contacted me about the lawsuit she filed. I must have been a contact that she added to her lawsuit since she was never married. Anyway, the attorney asked if I wanted to be added to the clients he already had but I told him I'd have to think about it. That's when he told me that she had passed away yesterday and not to wait too long to file any type of legal claim."

"So I'm taking it this was related to what happened on 9/11 and after?"

"As far as I can tell it is because she was in perfect health by before that. So, I'm not sure what she died from but I can only guess that it was related to what happened on 9/11."

"So are you going to join the lawsuit that this lawyer is filing on her behalf?"

"I'm not too sure Rick. I don't think this is a class action suit. Jillian filed this suit to receive medical treatment benefits after the insurance company denied her claim."

"Red tape. I can't believe they are treating first responders this way."

"I'm glad that I haven't been diagnosed with anything serious. Dr. Hall sent me to that oncologist I think his name was Dr. Khatri. All he told me was that I had those small spots on my right lung and that they were on prior scans. Compared to the previous chest X-Ray and my last CT scan they have not grown in size. He sent me for a biopsy just to be certain that those spots were benign, which they were but he recommended a checkup every six months."

"I am glad that you had these tests done and nothing was wrong. Kate, I don't know what I would do if I lost you." Rick said.

"Babe, I'm not sure that I won't be affected by something from that day in the future but I will never purposely leave you. You are the father of my children and I don't think that I could leave you in a situation like that."

"I love you, Kate."

"As do I Rick, always."

Xx

 _ **Six months later…**_

"Okay, Kate now it's time to push. So, give me a long push and we'll welcome your daughter into the world." Dr, Hall said.

All Rick could do was watch as his daughters head crowned. Within 5 minutes she was here. As he cut the cord he was in tears as their daughter was placed on Kate's chest to feel her mother skin to skin. It was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.

Kate did what came naturally she started to coo to her daughter telling her everything would be fine as she held her close to her body. She loved being in this moment but could not wait until they were back home and together as a family.

"Rick I think that her name should be Lily after my grandmother. To me, it seems to fit her well." Kate suggested.

"I agree. She does look like a flower."

"My thoughts exactly!" Kate agreed.

After a few minutes of mother-daughter bonding, Kate asked Rick the question he been wanting to hear since his daughter was born.

"So Rick would you want to meet your daughter?"

In a flash Rick had his arms extended waiting to hold his daughter for the first time. the second Kate placed her in his arms, it was nothing short of exceptional. It's the same feeling he had when he held Alexis in his arms for the first time. It's an indescribable feeling of total love that comes over you for this tiny little human being. And he can't wait to do everything with her. He looks up the Kate and sees these tears coming down her own cheeks at the sight she's witnessing. To him, this will never get old.

Xx

At Ricks urging he had told Alexis to get a complete workup so she was aware of any possible surprises from 9/11. The doctor she had seen was a young professional and after he told her that she was clear health-wise he drew up the courage to ask her out on a date. One date turned into another and then another and before he knew it, he was walking his oldest daughter down the aisle on her wedding day. His name was Kyle and he was the most down-to-earth person he could ever wish for his daughter because they complimented each other perfectly. They are quickly approaching Lily's first birthday and now all attention was on his youngest daughter who was hitting a milestone of her own. In less than 2 hours everybody from the 12th Precinct from the captain to the detectives and some patrolman that Kate worked with will be invading the loft. Kate's friend Lanie will also be in attendance. Now he has more balloons to hang as well as banners for his daughter.

The loft has been decorated with everything that a one-year-old could possibly want with the exception of a pony. Rick wanted it but Kate said it was way too much for a one-year-old and made him see that it would be overkill because she won't remember it. Since 9/11, Kate had lost a lot of friends from that day and more in the years that followed. She is healthy and frequently sees ads on TV urging people who have health issues that were directly related to 9/11 to get in contact with the law firms to fight on their behalf. For now, she would just leave it until it became an issue. She was healthy she had her family around her and she saw no need to file a claim when there was no need to. But she had registered with the victim compensation fund as well as Rick and Alexis, you never knew. In the future, if they needed to file one well that would be a different story. Her husband had an army of lawyers at his beck and call and she could use them if she needed to file a claim. But today she had to celebrate her daughter's first birthday and nothing would take away from that.


	10. WTC AN

Dear readers,

The story you have just read was a work of fiction. But that's not to say that the events described in it are not true. In my 27 years working for the Port Authority of NY & NJ, you could say that I have seen it all. But I beg to differ with you. There are many things I have witnessed that will never see the light of day. The 1993 bombing is one of these moments.

I was younger then and I thought the world was all mine for the taking. Sadly, it wasn't. On that February day, my eyes were opened to the cruelty of what this world can throw at you. And I thought being in the military was the worst it could get, I was mistaken. In 1993 I had been working for the "PA" as we called it for six years and was assigned to the George Washington Bridge. Six people died because a man wanted to make a statement. I knew three of these people who worked in the B3 & B4 levels of the WTC.

But as with everything in life, we rebuilt the damage, honored the men and women we lost, and moved on. If you were a PA employee the twin towers were a symbol to everyone in the tri-state area and could look up at and see that the New York skyline had a distinct silhouette. We nicknamed the towers the ivory towers.

Then 9/11 came along and woke us up all over again. In the summer of 2001, I had transferred to the Lincoln Tunnel from the George Washington Bridge. While I was there I worked the overnight shift 10 pm to 6 am and met patrolman John Skala.

Now if this isn't luck I don't know what is….

I was hired by the Port Authority of NY & NJ on 9/12/86. Every year on the day before my anniversary date (9/11) I needed to head to the 1 WTC north, 61st floor east, to the PA medical department to have my annual company physical. I was taking the PA shuttle to the WTC from the Lincoln Tunnel for this at 6:30 am on 9/11/01 completely oblivious as to what was already in motion. I arrived at the 61st floor promptly at 7:30 am. The medical department had just opened for the day. I was met by the receptionist/records clerk Gloria and I checked in for my appointment. I had all the routine tests performed, respirator fitting, hearing test, eye exam, blood work, weight and height measurements, and the dreaded chest X-ray. But it was just my luck when the X-ray tech gave me the bad news, the machine they normally used was not working at all that morning. Mario the X-ray tech had told me to report to Journal Square in Jersey City to have one done over there. He wrote an order and handed it to me and the MD Dr. Duke gave me the once over and released me. It was 8:36 am when I headed to the elevator to leave. By the time I was able to catch an elevator it happened to be an express down to the lobby. The elevator opened in the lobby at 8:44 am. Not even the second I walked out onto West street to catch the shuttle back to the tunnel, the North tower was struck by American Airlines flight 11 at 8:46 am. When I witnessed the plane hitting the building I had lost all sense of what was right and wrong.

Two minutes later, the upper floors of the building were overcome by flames. Gloria and Mario never made it down from the 61st floor. I knew these two people and only saw them once a year unless I had a medical issue. Even though they were acquaintances, I still missed them. Bruce Reynolds (GWB) and John Skala (LT) were two Port Authority police officers I knew and will never forget. These two men gave their lives to save people and they did exactly that. Many people lost their lives on that day and I am brought back to the 1993 bombing. This was another attempt to take down the twin towers, but this time they succeeded.

I never went to Journal Square to get that X-ray, instead, I returned back to the Lincoln Tunnel and by 10:45 I was in my supervisor's office. My supervisor asked if I was medically fit for duty and I told him that I was, to hell with the chest X-ray I never told him about it anyway. I was sent home to sleep to be back at 7:00 pm that night. When I arrived home that morning I noticed that my supervisor had been frantically calling every 15 minutes and leaving a message on my machine to return his call ASAP. Since we had already spoken earlier, I had asked him why he left so many messages when I came back into work that night. He did so because he could not get a hold of me through my cell (since the cell towers were down) and thought the worst. He thought that I went down with the North tower when it came down. Luckily this was not the case.

We were assigned to the tasks I wrote about in the story. But while I did this everyone including myself became very closed off during this whole time. There was so much happening around us to not be able to keep our morale up. But with every person who was recovered during the three months, I worked the pile it gave us a sense of closure that another family would be able to receive the very same closure. To us, everything was okay because the EPA and other agencies told us it was safe to be working the pile. It wasn't until years later when they were laying the new foundation for 1WTC that the EPA might have made a gross error in judgment. Many of the first responders and people who lived in lower Manhattan are being diagnosed with respiratory problems and just about every type of cancer known to man.

2,753 people died in New York alone when the towers came down. Since the attacks on 9/11/01, 177 first responders from the FDNY, 23 NYPD members (the same amount lost on 9/11) have lost their lives to the events that changed our lives. In total, to date, over 3000 people have died from the toxic air and contaminants that hung in lower Manhattan right after 9/11. There was an article in this past Fridays New York Daily News. In it there was a quote from FDNY Fire Commissioner Daniel Negro;

" _ **These memorial services, each time, demonstrate that we will always be by your side. The loss of life on Sept. 11th, as you see this list of heroes grows every year … We will surely lose even more people from World Trade Center illnesses than there were from the attacks on the World Trade Center itself."**_

He is not wrong. The FBI, Secret Service, FDNY, NYPD, PAPD, and New York State Police, & FDNY EMT's have all lost men and women since 9/11. Before long, their numbers will double or even maybe triple the initial lives lost when the towers came down.

I am one of the lucky ones. While I do have spots on my lungs, they are not cancerous and have not multiplied or increased in number, (yet) for that I am grateful. I retired in July 2013 from the Port Authority just two months short of the twelve year anniversary of 9/11. I still make the time to be at the memorial for the men and women who we lost on that fateful day as I have done since the first anniversary, I will also be there for the 17th and future ones until I can no longer make it there under my own power.

I hope that this story brings you a little closer to the events on that day. This was my goal and I hope I achieved it. Now if you'll excuse me I need to head down to lower Manhattan from Northern NJ for an event that I won't miss and that can be a very perilous trip!

P2P

Tom


End file.
